Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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