A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
