I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
