So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
