I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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