if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
