Non-Jews are for practice
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
