I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
