goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
