We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
