Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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