What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize