I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
