im six kinds of drunk right now
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
