I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
