I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
