i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
