Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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