I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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