I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
