he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
