Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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