I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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