well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
