there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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