he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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