Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you never un-have a 4some
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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