"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
