I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
did i walk over a car last night?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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