I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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