Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
