i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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