Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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