i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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