i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
