reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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