she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
