I need to stop coming to work sober
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
