Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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