when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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