when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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