I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
