She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
