Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
