She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
