My first STD was from a foam party
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
