when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
