If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
