'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
