Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
