Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
