how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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