If i come over, it means nothing
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
